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How does it feel to be Addicted to Opiates?

I know what it’s like to be addicted to opiates.  They nearly ruined my life.  I was on a crash course, and the outcome was either going to be death or jail.  My addiction started because I was missing something in my life.  Alcoholism and addiction runs in my family, but that is no excuse for my drug use. If anything, knowing that addiction ran in my family should have made me more aware of the risks of becoming addicted.  I thought I could control my use. I thought I could handle it and stop at any time, but before I knew it, I was addicted.  My addiction controlled my actions and my life revolved around scoring my next hit…that was until I hit rock bottom.

The recovery from opiate addiction was a long road. Hitting rock bottom was something I was not prepared for. I knew it was inevitable because my addiction controlled my life, and I knew it was just a matter of time until my addiction would eventually ruin it, but I was lucky. I had a good support system, and the circumstances that I encountered did not really give me a choice. I was going to end up dead, or end up in jail because my actions to acquire drugs lead me to make decisions that nearly destroyed my life. 

I was lucky and ended up in rehab. Not fully out of choice, but I realized this was my opportunity to take advantage and get clean.  Getting clean, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever encountered, but it taught me a lot about myself.  About 4 months after I left rehab, I started to write a blog about my opiate addiction and my experience of being addicted and getting clean.  Writing about my addiction  on my blog gave me the opportunity to reach thousands of people who could also relate; Addicts, family members of addicts and friends of addicts, and loved ones of addicts. My blog gave me the ability to reach out to others to share my experiences about opiate addiction. It was the beginning of my personal mission to give back to those who were in a place I was once in. A place only addicts or friends of addicts can relate. A place where the world seems dark, cold, and meaningless.  I know the dreadful feeling at night where you pray that you do not wake up the next day. A place where you count your money in terms of pills or bags of drugs. I was a full blow addict and would do anything necessary to get my fix.

Opiates built a wall around my thoughts and every aspect of my life. I know you're thinking that you are so filled with the loss, pain, and agony of addiction. It has taken everything from you. Your family, friends, job, money, homes, trust and even your sanity. Addiction can take away the meaning of your life leaving you mentally broken. How can I go forward? What is the point of living? I’m so deep into my addiction how can I ever get back to the way I was before.

There is hope, and there have been millions of people who have recovered from addiction. If you are still alive, and are able to read this, then you have what it takes to change your life. Make the changes, before it’s too late.  If you do not take control of your addiction, your addiction will take control of you, and destroy you.  Make the conscience decision this second to take your life back. The only substances you need are food, water, and oxygen. There will come a time where you see that this is true. It's time to take your life back.

- Ryan Donnelly


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