When I was addicted to oxycodone, I never wanted to think about my next score. My life was filled with anxiety and I was unable to process how badly I needed help. Day after day of using, it seemed like I was digging a deeper hole that I would never be able to get out of. My addiction destroyed relationships, lies on top of lies and the amount of financial debt I had built was too much for me to face. I lived each day by the minute. Never would I have thought that I would be where I am today. A future was not something I was able to think about while I was addicted.
Last night I had a conversation with a good friend who has over 3 years sobriety. In his early recovery, he reached out to me and I was one of the only people in his corner. A bond has grown between us because of the trust we share. The conversations we have are extremely therapeutic and educational for me. It is nice to have a friend that understands where you are in recovery and that can relate on so many different topics.
My friend volunteers a lot of his free time to helping others. We share the same drive to make a difference in people's lives that feel alone and helpless. I feel this is because both him and I were beyond helpless and we never thought that we would ever get clean, let alone still be alive. But here we are alive, and more importantly sober. When talking about life on the phone and he brought up a very interesting topic. It seems so obvious but it is something that really struck a cord in me. He said that he asks people in early recovery what they are most excited about and someone said that they were excited to just have a future.
Planning for the future is such a normal step for most people, but not for addicts. Sure I had these shadow dreams of winning the lottery, but that was about as far I would go when thinking about the future. I think addicts don't think about the future because they know they don't have one if they continue down the road they are on. The truth of the matter is that most addicts end up in jail or dead if they continue using.
I remember how dark my days would get. The thoughts of suicide and the thoughts that everyone around me would be better off if I wasn't around anymore. Those thoughts now make me ill. I hope that someone reads this and realizes that they don't have to live like that anymore and they can have an incredible life. You just have to give yourself a chance to have a future. Sobriety should be your main goal. If you or someone you know has a problem with drugs or alcohol, please seek professional medical help.