The life of active addict is extremely stressful. Every thought and move you make is based on your drug. If you are unable to get your drug, all bets are off and that becomes your number one priority. You miss meals because of it, lose friends and family over it and give up everything that mattered to you for it. The drug has complete control over every aspect of your life and you want nothing more than to just break away from it and move on.
When you have made the right decisions and taken the necessary steps to get clean, you may wonder why you didn't tackle this sooner. Everything in your life seems to be heading in the right direction and you may become over confident that you have defeated your addiction. I've seen many recovered addicts slip up after some time. They start to fall back into old habits. You start to feel like you are emotionally drowning but try to ignore the symptoms and thoughts. Making it through each day clean gets harder and harder until one day you relapse.
Immediately after relapsing you feel disgusting. You are so angry with yourself and can not believe that you relapsed. How could you give up your freedom? The guilt of using grabs a hold of you and the power you had in recovery dissipates immediately. The drug stuck it's claws back in you and you gave up easily. You think that since you have relapsed, you might as well just keep using. You start to have a pity party and convince yourself that you will only use for a little while and then clean up again.
We all know how this turns out. Everything snowballs and in most cases, your addiction is worse than it originally was. Why do addicts who relapse head further down the rabbit hole? Why do you beat yourself up so badly that you would rather use to mask the pain than get back up on your feet and start over? The reason is because it is easier to use and not fight. Getting clean is a challenge. Using is easy.
Relapse is a normal occurrence for many in recovery. Choosing to continue using is the norm because it is easier than fighting your way back to where you were. Eventually if you survive this run, you will want to get clean again. You will get fed up and want what you used to have. Why take the chance day in and day out that you may lose this battle? That is why addiction is so strong because no one has the answer to that question. Any one of us can fall back into that life if we do not stay vigilant. Remember, if you fall down get right back up. Do not let opiates control your life.