I have never met an addict who thought as a child that they would end up where they are now. No one dreams of being addicted to drugs and most people never think it could ever happen to them. It usually starts out with a bad decision, a decision to use painkillers recreationally. It may seem to be innocent enough and not something that you really have to worry about. Most people I talk to tell me that they started taking a very small dose and loved the way it made them feel. Some even felt like they were a better version of their “normal self" while on opiates. The painkillers gave them more energy making some more productive at work. It put them in a remarkably great mood and provided them a calm feeling which made them more confident in conversation, making them more social. At first the recreational use seems to be a great experience. It is pretty cheap and doesn't take much of the drug dosage wise to get the feeling of a warm blanket of euphoria. You like it and want to feel that way as much and as often as you can.
The problem takes a little while to begin showing up in your everyday life. You hear a lot of stories where people use painkillers and before they know it, they are in seriously addicted. This is true, but for the most part it is a little exaggerated and that is what makes these drugs so dangerous. Most people use for a few months at a small dosage before they stop taking the pills for whatever reason. A popular reason for the first lapse in use is the inability to get the pills. People usually have 1 or 2 contacts or "connections" to get their pills from and those 2 contacts may not be able to get them at the same time. The first time you are unable to use, you may feel sick. This is when withdrawal kicks in and doesn't feel like the regular flu, it feels like the worst flu you have ever had multiplied by 10. That is when you realize you have a problem. You now know that you need these pills to function and to feel “normal”, and when you get your hands on them again the flu-like withdrawal symptoms go away.
The realization that you need the pills to function and not get sick is a very humbling experience. It creates a life filled with anxiety. You know exactly what I mean when I say that you never go a day without worrying about running out of pills. Your number one priority is having either enough money to get them or a way to work a deal to get more. The people you link up with to help you find them are not people you should trust. Every time you hand someone money, you worry if they are even going to come back with your pills. It is a shady world and there are no rules. You live a life of stress and sickness. It is extremely tiring living this life and it never ends until you get clean or pass away. There is no instant cure out there, but there are solutions. Get the help you need now and choose a real life. One that isn't filled with worrying about feeling “normal.” You can feel better than normal every day for the rest of your life by taking control back of your life. It's worth the fight. Realize that every day that you continue taking the pills will make it a little harder for you to quit. Stop now before it's too late.